“The Fall”
“You see, there was this viral video of a smiling polar bear sliding effortlessly across frozen water that made the rounds last fall. I don’t remember who sent me the video, but that bear seemed like the happiest mammal in the world for eleven seconds. You know it snowed two days ago, and the sidewalk iced over because of the temperature drop. I couldn’t resist the urge to leap onto the ice like a halfwit and entirely wipe out onto the curb. That’s why I ended up in this hospital bed with four broken bones and a concussion. The polar bear had nothing to do with this; I just thought it was an adorable video,” explained Frank Foley from an AltaVista Hospital bed.
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“The Grave”
My grandmother’s final resting place is in the northeast corner of AltaVista’s Green Grass Cemetery, which I visit every April to put fresh white lilies and daisies on her grave for Easter.
This last time, I stumbled upon a mysterious vertical permanent marker with no date of birth or death engraved into its marble surface but only the name Bruce Wayne.
No one will believe that I might’ve discovered the grave of the alter ego to the “da da da da da da da da da da da da da Batmaaaaaan!”
I should embellish the finding with a rusty-bellied robin hopping around the headstone.
Did the Joker, the Riddler, Clayface, or Killer Croc finish off The Bat.
It’s clearly a more riveting notion that Bruce Wayne, the Dark Knight of Gotham City, is buried in that grave rather than Bruce Wayne, the used car dealer.
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“Bite of Descension”
Two armored figures snatched my weary naked body out of lock up and hauled me down the dreary hallway. One of them commented how I destroyed and mauled the room where I spent the last hours of darkness.
There’s no point in yelling because my voice is hoarse from howling, and there’s no one around who can save my miserable, cursed soul.
I can feel their violent disgust for me by the way they dropped me onto the cold concrete floor after going through the sliding jail prison door like the last full moon.
You would never have known I am a former city council member by this horrid treatment, an elected position from which I was quietly coerced to resign.
Everything was great before the werewolf bite; that was the night everything changed for me.
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