Before we begin, I would like to thank the town of AltaVista for letting us use one of their picnic shelters for another one of these joyous occasions. It took calling the mayor, city council members, the city manager, and several directors to secure this space. It’s like they were trying to ignore me. Still,…
North Carolina man has another almost encounter with the bear-kind
AltaVista Almanac Fake Local News North Carolina man has another almost encounter with the bear-kind A man who refers to himself as a stormwater pipe enthusiast was almost turned into a human skin rug by a familiar bear for the second time. By Todd Stormstrouper 5/3/2024 ALTAVISTA, NC—AltaVista Animal Care responded to a call…
The Fourth and April Todd of the Month Is
Thank you, Jimmy Kimmel, for that robust introduction. I know you’re in a rush to get to the 2025 Oscars. Like Jimmy said, I am sometimes a writer, runner, actor, singer, painter, drawer, doodler, sculptor, artist, conceptual artist, carver, photographer, video editor, dancer, poet, and filmmaker. But I’m probably best known for being the first-ever…
Here’s what the application to be a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune looks like
This post is not the New York Times Connection word game, but what do Pat Sajak, Vanna White, a long-running game show, and Spin the Wheel have in common? “Jeopardy?” “Naw.” “It’s the Wheel of Fortune” “Yes-yes-yes.” I didn’t know this, but the Wheel of Fortune first premiered in 1975, and Sajak and White have…
Larry Byrd is Gone in November (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. The person I’m calling Tallulah began as a single palm reader at a traveling carnival. She used her limited telepathic and impressive precognition abilities to deliver fortunes to customers. Eventually, the psychic left the Carnie life and opened up a magic supply retail store in the southeast that…
The Third Todd of the Month
Someone named the month of March after Todd, the Roman god of astonishment. Okay, now that’s a lie. Someone named the third month of the year after Mars, the Roman god of war. Many astonishing things happened in March 2024. Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya reprised their Paul Atriedes and Chani roles in one of the…
A Game of SEAHORSE in the Rain (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. People drinking and playing pool in the Immortal Elf would always go on about the Piedmont. They would have these long, drawn-out discussions about the Piedmont having the best sweet tea, southern hospitality, and tobacco. I always thought the tobacco thing was strange. I nodded, agreed, and said,…
10 Things I enjoyed from my Walt Disney World Trip
My girlfriend and I recently went to Disney World, and I definitely felt the magic. I’m not talking about witches, warlocks, and incantations but about Disney’s wonderful theme parks. And in case you don’t know (Yeah, right!) Disney’s wonderful theme parks are Magic Kingdom, EPCOT, Hollywood Studios, and Animal Kingdom. We went to EPCOT and…
The 2nd Ever Todd of the Month Is
Many excellent and unique things have already happened and are planned for February 2024. So far this month, I went to Disney World. Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see his shadow, which means an early spring. The Kansas City Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl, 25 to 22. We watched Usher bring out…
The Girl from the Brown Mountain Lights (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. The Pisgah National Forest is over 500,000 acres of ancient trees, peaks, secrets, and mysteries in Western North Carolina. The ghost lights above Brown Mountains are one of the many enigmas that are impossible to explain outside of folklore and supernatural reasons. The Lights first decided to reveal…