January 2024 seems just like six months ago. Just kidding. But seriously, where has the first half of this year gone? January through June flew by like the flying reptile, pterodactyl. I’ve accomplished a lot this year and plan to do much more. So, I figured this was a good time to write down some…
Enter the Kilt Cat Man (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. I’ve been a newshound for most of my professional career. Except for one short period, in between writing gigs, I worked a temporary office job doing data entry for some nameless national pharmacy. I’m relatively sure the only reason they hired me was because I could type and…
My ranking of the top Carowinds coasters (well, the ones I rode last week)
Let’s take a moment to appreciate that we have Carowinds in the Charlotte-Metro area. <Pause for your moment to appreciate that we have Carowinds in the Charlotte-Metro Area> If you don’t know what Carowinds is, Carowinds.com says it’s “the premiere entertainment and thrill ride amusement park in the Carolinas!” Fourteen of Carowinds’ sixty rides are…
And the 5th Todd of the Year is
Before we begin, I would like to thank the town of AltaVista for letting us use one of their picnic shelters for another one of these joyous occasions. It took calling the mayor, city council members, the city manager, and several directors to secure this space. It’s like they were trying to ignore me. Still,…
North Carolina man has another almost encounter with the bear-kind
AltaVista Almanac Fake Local News North Carolina man has another almost encounter with the bear-kind A man who refers to himself as a stormwater pipe enthusiast was almost turned into a human skin rug by a familiar bear for the second time. By Todd Stormstrouper 5/3/2024 ALTAVISTA, NC—AltaVista Animal Care responded to a call…
The Fourth and April Todd of the Month Is
Thank you, Jimmy Kimmel, for that robust introduction. I know you’re in a rush to get to the 2025 Oscars. Like Jimmy said, I am sometimes a writer, runner, actor, singer, painter, drawer, doodler, sculptor, artist, conceptual artist, carver, photographer, video editor, dancer, poet, and filmmaker. But I’m probably best known for being the first-ever…
Here’s what the application to be a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune looks like
This post is not the New York Times Connection word game, but what do Pat Sajak, Vanna White, a long-running game show, and Spin the Wheel have in common? “Jeopardy?” “Naw.” “It’s the Wheel of Fortune” “Yes-yes-yes.” I didn’t know this, but the Wheel of Fortune first premiered in 1975, and Sajak and White have…
Larry Byrd is Gone in November (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. The person I’m calling Tallulah began as a single palm reader at a traveling carnival. She used her limited telepathic and impressive precognition abilities to deliver fortunes to customers. Eventually, the psychic left the Carnie life and opened up a magic supply retail store in the southeast that…
The Third Todd of the Month
Someone named the month of March after Todd, the Roman god of astonishment. Okay, now that’s a lie. Someone named the third month of the year after Mars, the Roman god of war. Many astonishing things happened in March 2024. Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya reprised their Paul Atriedes and Chani roles in one of the…
A Game of SEAHORSE in the Rain (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. People drinking and playing pool in the Immortal Elf would always go on about the Piedmont. They would have these long, drawn-out discussions about the Piedmont having the best sweet tea, southern hospitality, and tobacco. I always thought the tobacco thing was strange. I nodded, agreed, and said,…