“There will be murdering robots, skateboarding, and a whole lot of thrashing. And oh yeah, we got Tony Hawk,” is apparently how Marcus Santiago pitched Robots and Skateboards to the Canadian television execs in the late 1980’s. Well, according to the Online Encyclopedia, that is.
Robots and Skateboards, created by Santiago, is the radical story of a young professional skateboarder, Chet Finch, who takes on both the national skateboarding circuit and the evil Midnight Corporation with his new robot friends, Topo and Aerial.
Every once in a while, it seems things and people resurface from the past for a limited revival. Like Robots and Skateboards, which had a resurgence after getting ranked 43 on the New York Post’s recent list of fifty forgotten television series from the eighties and nineties. Robots and Skateboards was a forgotten television series from the early 1990s, except for one of my friends from back home, who we’ll refer to as Mickey Moose.
Mickey Moose distinctly remembers the first time he watched Robots and Skateboards like it was yesterday, which was a long time ago, in October 1988. Initially broadcasted in Canada and syndicated in the United States, the premiere came after My Secret Identity, starring a teenage Jerry O’Connell. Chet meets Topo and Aerial in its first episode after getting knocked out by a mechanical duck after losing the Seattle Skateboard Slam Jam to Tony Hawk. Santiago delivered Tony Hawk, but only a brief cameo. When the execs found out Tony wasn’t playing a main character, it was rumored that the series only ran for five more episodes before getting canceled in 1989.
In his mind, Mickey is undeniably the most enormous Robots and Skateboards fan among his friends, family, and girlfriend. It’s probably because no one in his circle was interested enough to challenge him. You can have any title if no one cares enough to wrestle it away from you.
It was a surprise when he left me a voicemail saying he was coming to North Carolina. Still, it wasn’t much of a surprise that he was coming to North Carolina for the upcoming Charlotte Comic Convention to meet Santiago. I remember him telling me that the article gave R&S just enough attention that the organizers of the Charlotte Comic Con reached out to Santiago to participate in a Robots and Skateboards reunion panel. The actors who played Chet Finch and Topo and the actress who played Aerial were also there.
Also, in his message, he told me that he wanted to meet up. It had been a very long time since we last spoke or saw each other. We didn’t go to the same college, but we last hung out during these years. The two of us didn’t have a fight or a fallout; we just went our separate ways. As you know, I moved to Charlotte to figure out a way not to perish. He remained in our hometown. At this point, I didn’t know if he was still living there. A lot of time had passed.
During Comic-Con weekend, we planned to meet at an Irish pub two blocks from the Uptown Charlotte Convention Center. I was excited to see Mickey but also a little nervous because I knew it would be awkward. I remember hoping that the conversation wouldn’t be forced or unnatural.
Uptown wasn’t an area of Charlotte that I visited much. The Uptown restaurants and bars weren’t really my scene. Most of the landscape was too pretentious, flashy, fast, and loud for me. Two spots were okay: the Miami Vice 80’s theme bar and the Irish Pub. That’s why I suggested the Pub.
A taxi dropped me off in front of the Pub. I was the first to arrive. I came early on purpose. The hostess sat me at a four-top table in the upstairs bar area. I needed the larger table because Isabelle was meeting us after dark. Remember, she’s a vampire and can’t go outside during the day.
She was really interested in meeting someone from my hometown and getting a glimpse of how I was back then. Isabelle was technically 73 years old at the time but still appeared like a beautiful brunette in her early thirties, so it wouldn’t be any trouble passing her off as that.
Guinness was on special, so I ordered a pint and was halfway through reading the menu and watching the stairs for Mickey before I knew it. Fifteen minutes had passed since we agreed to meet, and he emerged but was not alone.
I recognized Mickey right away. He seemed shorter than I remember. It could be because I was on a raised level and sitting in a tall bar chair. He still wore glasses, was slender, and his former long black hair was now short and receding. His large ears are his most noticeable feature. I didn’t call him Dumbo in school, but many did. He’s wearing a white homemade Robots and Skateboards tee shirt with Marcus Santiago’s face on it. Very fitting. Mickey is Robot’s and Skateboards’ biggest fan, after all.
The guy with him is older than us, somewhere in his middle age. He had grey curly hair and a matching beard and was strangely carrying a skateboard.
Oh damn! Then I recognized who was with Mickey. It was Santiago. His face was right there on Mickey’s shirt. I was about to meet the creator and producer of Robots and Skateboards. It was a good thing we had a table for four.
Mickey saw me waving him over to our table. They walked over, and I gave Mickey a one-armed hug (a bro hug). Then, we said our hellos and sat down.
Immediately afterward, I knew he was happy to see me. Probably because that’s precisely what he told me, and he did so with a huge grimace. He had a glow around him. The type of genuine glow so rarely seen these days.
I was glad to see my old friend, that’s what I told him next, but I wasn’t beaming like he was.
I could tell Mickey was eager to introduce me to the Robots and Skateboards producer, who somehow made it into his entourage. The way he made the introduction was interesting. You would’ve thought he was presenting Patrick Stewart or Robert Downey Jr. to me. He clearly idolized Santiago. It was cool to meet the guy, but I wasn’t anywhere close to being starstruck.
Mickey and I fumbled through the catching-up phase of this meetup. I would say we didn’t quite pick up where we left off. He caught me up on Ruben moving to London for a job, Jim getting married to Kim, and Nate going to jail for drug dealing. I didn’t remember Nate, but whatever. I didn’t want to stop Mickey during his stories. He told me all about the Charlotte Comic Con, the Robots and Skateboards panel, and how he had just met Santiago for the first time.
Now, I thought that last bit was very bizarre and suspicious. Mickey told me that Santiago was right there in the hallway after coming out of the bathroom. He told him how much of a fan he was and invited him to our meetup dinner. So, Santiago quickly agreed to go to dinner with a strange fan he had just met. I didn’t completely buy it.
Santiago only said a little about this interaction. Instead, he just kept interrupting us with stories of Hollywood parties in the late 80s and early 90s, hanging with Tony Hawk, and name-dropping other people he knew who were famous in the late 80s and early 90s. I bet a million dollars that all his stories are from the early 90s, that he doesn’t have many stories to tell, and we heard them all at the table that night. He was insufferable.
I sipped my fourth or fifth Guinness and realized it was finally night. That meant Isabelle would l be joining us at some point, which was good because Mickey just asked me when she was coming. I think I told him that she was coming after work. I noticed he still needed to finish the Guinness he ordered earlier. He was never a big drinker, and he mostly drank Diet Coke. He just got it to be social. Santiago hadn’t touched his lemon with water at all.
We ordered food soon after Isabelle arrived. Mickey asked for a burger, and I got the Pub’s signature fish and chips. Of course, Santiago didn’t get anything, and Isabelle wanted a steak as rare as the cooks could make it. Isabelle no longer consumed human food but always ordered rare steaks during social interactions.
I was so happy to see her. Between the catch-up with Mickey and hearing Santiago talk about his accolades, I had started to crash and burn this meetup dinner. It had been overwhelming, and she was happy to dominate the conversation with Mickey for a while. My vampire girlfriend came with a whole list of questions. She wanted Mickey to share all the gossip and anything interesting about me, home, and my friends and family back home. Mickey was quite happy to give her the favor.
The dinner needed a pick-me-up, and Isabelle was just that. She was great. Isabelle and Mickey had each other laughing. He told her about some of the dumb stuff I did as a kid, and she told him all the dumb things I’ve done recently. I didn’t mind being the subject of the jokes. I’ve always done dumb stuff. The three of us were having a good time. I had almost forgotten Santiago was sitting at our table when he excused himself to the restroom. He was gone a long time. I didn’t mind or care about his absence.
Then, I needed to excuse myself to the restroom again. It must’ve been all the Guinness. I washed my hands and left the bathroom, and Santiago stood outside. At first glance, it looked like he was waiting for me like a creep. Then the creep got in my face and began to shout at me. He shouted threats toward Isabelle and me. Then Santiago shouted something about Isabelle getting between Mickey and him. What he was saying was overly obsessive and scary. I tried to push him away, but he didn’t budge. I’m not the most muscular guy, but it was like he weighed a ton. He laughed, stared at me with deranged eyes, and then left the Pub.
My heart was still beating hard, and I was super worried as I returned to our table. I walked up, and Isabelle and Mickey looked at me and immediately saw I was emotional. Isabelle got up and helped me to my seat. I told them what had just happened. How Santiago just went crazy on me outside the restroom. The storytelling crushed the number one Robots and Skateboards fan (aka Mickey) and angered Isabelle. We paid our bills and left the Irish Pub. We walked Mickey to the Uptown Charlotte hotel where he was staying. I was scared for his safety after what Santiago said. I mean, we had a vampire protecting us.
We said goodbye to Mickey in front of his hotel. I gave him another one-armed hug, and Isabelle gave him a full hug. She liked him. We told him to go straight to his hotel room and be on high alert for Santiago.
Isabelle parked her car in a nearby parking deck. On the way, we were also on high alert for Santiago. Isabelle wanted him to show up and started saying all the violence she wanted to do to him. I weirdly like it when she talks like this. It was nice that someone wanted to protect me. She was my fanged knight in shining armor that she couldn’t see her reflection in. But I knew she meant every word, so I reminded her that what she said was criminal. The parking deck elevator was broken, so we walked four ramps to the car.
We were about to the car when Isabelle darted off. Vampires can move a lot quicker than humans. I lost where she went. I started calling for her, but there was nothing. Then I remembered Santiago. Damnit! It took me a few minutes, but I found her on the next level. She was enraged and standing over Santiago’s body. Damnit, again.
I hurried over to the empty corner where I was pretty sure she had just committed murder. Something died in that corner, but it wasn’t human. Or supernatural, I must add. The fluid coming out of Santiago wasn’t blood but some oil. The parts that Isabelle pulled out weren’t made of tissue but metal. Santiago’s bones were metal and covered in human skin until Isabelle tore it off. It wasn’t enjoyable. I almost puked but dry heaved instead. This Santiago was a damn robot. Isabelle even stabbed the robot’s body with its snapped-half skateboard. The vampire I loved massacred the robot.
Isabelle had known that Santiago wasn’t human since dinner. She said it didn’t have a human scent. The robot fooled Mickey and I. The night ended with us dismantling and disposing of the robot body in Charlotte’s neighboring lakes, Lake Norman and Lake Wylie. It’s what they always did in Sci-Fi movies, and doing that made a lot of sense.
I called Mickey a few days after Charlotte Comic-Con weekend. I asked him if he had heard from Santiago. Of course, I already knew he hadn’t. It was good catching up with him that weekend. We spoke a few more times before we got old. If you’re wondering, he remained the Robots and Skateboards’ number one fan in his mind.
I still have several unanswered questions about Marcus Santiago. Who made the robot? Was Santiago always a robot? Why did the robot latch onto Mickey? I won’t get them at this point in my life.
And for Isabelle, thank you for protecting me from robot Santiago and all the other baddies.
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