“The Fall” “You see, there was this viral video of a smiling polar bear sliding effortlessly across frozen water that made the rounds last fall. I don’t remember who sent me the video, but that bear seemed like the happiest mammal in the world for eleven seconds. You know it snowed two days ago, and…
My shallow dive into the Daredevil: Born Again villains
Charlie Cox is definitely back kicking ass in the new Daredevil: Born Again trailer from Disney’s D23 that leaked onto Youtube. I watched it and my reaction is that it looks frackin amazing. Born Again is the most highly anticipated new series on the Marvel Cinematic Universe calendar for me. I’ve only seen some photos…
A Few Incidents Inside the Earl Grey Wolf (a story from the Shadow Elm Memoir)
Four of five areas split my time living in Charlotte, North Carolina. The constant four were work, home, The Immortal Elf, or the Earl Grey Wolf coffee shop. Then, my time was split into fifths when I had girlfriends. But that was infrequent because I spent most of my Charlotte living as a bachelor, which…
The July Todd of the Month Award Goes to
There are signs, and then THERE are signs. We see signs every day! They tell us information like business names and advertise things on billboards. They warn, regulate, and guide us. There’s The Sign by Ace of Base. Zodiac signs are supposed to predict our personalities somehow. Everyone has heard the phrase, “It was a…
Broken Horses (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
It picked an afternoon summer thunderstorm to finally die on the side of the highway. Sorry, that was a little morbid. I’m not talking about a person but my unfaithful Honda. Good grief, that would be grisly. I was driving back from covering a Charlotte amateur soccer league game for the paper I wrote at the…
I watched the Captain America: Brave New World trailer, and here are six things it confirmed for me
There have been many rumors and speculations about Captain America: Brave New World since its announcement in spring 2021. Expected to hit theaters on February 14, 2025, Brave New World brings back Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) as the winged Captain America who, according to the movie’s IMDB, “finds himself in the middle of an international…
The June Todd of the Month Award goes to
The June Stormstrouper.com newsletter is finally available and is “like totally” dedicated to The Todd of the Month award. In this month’s issue, you learn what the Todd of the Month award is, who’s made it so far, and who was awarded the month’s Todd of the Month award. Good morning. Is it already that…
My Stormstrouper July to December 2024 Goals
January 2024 seems just like six months ago. Just kidding. But seriously, where has the first half of this year gone? January through June flew by like the flying reptile, pterodactyl. I’ve accomplished a lot this year and plan to do much more. So, I figured this was a good time to write down some…
Enter the Kilt Cat Man (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. I’ve been a newshound for most of my professional career. Except for one short period, in between writing gigs, I worked a temporary office job doing data entry for some nameless national pharmacy. I’m relatively sure the only reason they hired me was because I could type and…
My ranking of the top Carowinds coasters (well, the ones I rode last week)
Let’s take a moment to appreciate that we have Carowinds in the Charlotte-Metro area. <Pause for your moment to appreciate that we have Carowinds in the Charlotte-Metro Area> If you don’t know what Carowinds is, Carowinds.com says it’s “the premiere entertainment and thrill ride amusement park in the Carolinas!” Fourteen of Carowinds’ sixty rides are…
And the 5th Todd of the Year is
Before we begin, I would like to thank the town of AltaVista for letting us use one of their picnic shelters for another one of these joyous occasions. It took calling the mayor, city council members, the city manager, and several directors to secure this space. It’s like they were trying to ignore me. Still,…
North Carolina man has another almost encounter with the bear-kind
AltaVista Almanac Fake Local News North Carolina man has another almost encounter with the bear-kind A man who refers to himself as a stormwater pipe enthusiast was almost turned into a human skin rug by a familiar bear for the second time. By Todd Stormstrouper 5/3/2024 ALTAVISTA, NC—AltaVista Animal Care responded to a call…
The Fourth and April Todd of the Month Is
Thank you, Jimmy Kimmel, for that robust introduction. I know you’re in a rush to get to the 2025 Oscars. Like Jimmy said, I am sometimes a writer, runner, actor, singer, painter, drawer, doodler, sculptor, artist, conceptual artist, carver, photographer, video editor, dancer, poet, and filmmaker. But I’m probably best known for being the first-ever…
Here’s what the application to be a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune looks like
This post is not the New York Times Connection word game, but what do Pat Sajak, Vanna White, a long-running game show, and Spin the Wheel have in common? “Jeopardy?” “Naw.” “It’s the Wheel of Fortune” “Yes-yes-yes.” I didn’t know this, but the Wheel of Fortune first premiered in 1975, and Sajak and White have…
Larry Byrd is Gone in November (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. The person I’m calling Tallulah began as a single palm reader at a traveling carnival. She used her limited telepathic and impressive precognition abilities to deliver fortunes to customers. Eventually, the psychic left the Carnie life and opened up a magic supply retail store in the southeast that…
The Third Todd of the Month
Someone named the month of March after Todd, the Roman god of astonishment. Okay, now that’s a lie. Someone named the third month of the year after Mars, the Roman god of war. Many astonishing things happened in March 2024. Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya reprised their Paul Atriedes and Chani roles in one of the…
A Game of SEAHORSE in the Rain (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. People drinking and playing pool in the Immortal Elf would always go on about the Piedmont. They would have these long, drawn-out discussions about the Piedmont having the best sweet tea, southern hospitality, and tobacco. I always thought the tobacco thing was strange. I nodded, agreed, and said,…
10 Things I enjoyed from my Walt Disney World Trip
My girlfriend and I recently went to Disney World, and I definitely felt the magic. I’m not talking about witches, warlocks, and incantations but about Disney’s wonderful theme parks. And in case you don’t know (Yeah, right!) Disney’s wonderful theme parks are Magic Kingdom, EPCOT, Hollywood Studios, and Animal Kingdom. We went to EPCOT and…
The 2nd Ever Todd of the Month Is
Many excellent and unique things have already happened and are planned for February 2024. So far this month, I went to Disney World. Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see his shadow, which means an early spring. The Kansas City Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl, 25 to 22. We watched Usher bring out…
The Girl from the Brown Mountain Lights (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
A story from the Shadow Elm Memoir. The Pisgah National Forest is over 500,000 acres of ancient trees, peaks, secrets, and mysteries in Western North Carolina. The ghost lights above Brown Mountains are one of the many enigmas that are impossible to explain outside of folklore and supernatural reasons. The Lights first decided to reveal…
First Ever Todd of the Month
Many great people out there share the first common name, Todd. According to Ancestory.com, Todd is a “nickname for someone thought to resemble a fox for example in cunning or slyness or perhaps more obviously in having red hair from northern Middle English.” I’m sure some Todds possess these attributes, but that’s not what makes…
One of my 2024 goals is to begin a Couch to 5K
Welcome everyone to the New Year! I can’t believe we’re already three weeks into 2024. It seems like yesterday we watched the Green Bay Packers beat the Minnesota Vikings 33 to 10 and rattled off our next year’s resolutions and goals before the shiny silver ball dropped at midnight. For the record, I’m not a…
Prelude to The Shadow Elm Memoir (a story from The Shadow Elm Memoir)
I can’t repeat it enough. North Carolina is the strangest and most remarkable state I’ve ever lived in. Those western mountains, the eastern flat coast, and every crevice in between, is charged with fascinating and unusual things that confirm this. These things aren’t the lions, tigers, and bears from the Wizard of Oz. Oh my!…
It took Jonathan Frakes and the Biltmore House for me to watch a Hallmark Channel movie
It’s the summer of 1997. You’re watching your favorite new show, Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction. The theme song starts. The narrator says, “Beyond belief, fact or fiction, hosted by Jonathan Frakes.” Then, the narrator says more about a world of truth or deception. The song eventually fades out. Frakes emerges from the hallway of…
A Hike, Burrito, and Beer in Hendersonville, North Carolina
The office was closed, so I headed to Hendersonville in the North Carolina mountains. My soul needed some elevation, along with a hike, a burrito, and a beer. SUMMARY -Dupont State Recreational Forest is very rich in waterfalls. -Mary’s Burrito is a scrumptious spot. -D9 Brewing might no longer manufacture Into the White beer. Let’s…
I’m either 297 days early or 68 days late for Bad Poetry Day
I wrote a poem. I call it “I’m a lousy poet, and this poem knows it.”
My girlfriend and I went to Blowing Rock during peak leaf season, and here are three things I wished you had told us beforehand
A fall trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains should be on every North Carolian’s to-do list. The Blue Ridge Mountains are large, natural, magnificent, and breathtaking. The Blue Ridge Mountains are magnificent and breathtaking when covered in vibrant yellow, orange, red, and purple leaves. Peak fall foliage can be a moving target since deciduous…
There’s no other way to put it but gout sucks
Telling someone I got tested for gout sounds shameful or humiliating. Right? Gout sounds like one of those STDs that your doctor would throw some penicillin your way to treat. Well, it’s not clear, or I wouldn’t be writing this post. I’ve recently experienced several gout flare-ups, and let me tell you how absolutely horrific…
Wu-Tang Clan Marvel variants are something to blank with
The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) has had the super ability to place variants of our favorite characters in their movies and shows since the Multiverse set up in the first Doctor Strange movie but ultimately explored in the first season of Loki, arguably. Since then, the Multiverse has had significant roles in Spider-Man: No Way…
Were any of the SYFY Channel original programming actually filmed in the USA?
In a few weeks, the Science Fiction Channel, now SYFY, will be broadcasting movies and TV programs from this Channel’s namesake genre for over thirty years since its September 24, 1992 debut. Back when SYFY got set into motion with 300 movies, which included Star Wars, Star Trek, and various classic monster movies. And showed…
Two Waterfalls, a Pub, and Ice Cream Scoops in the Blowing Rock Area
My girlfriend and I were looking for something to do in our state of North Carolina over the long Labor Day weekend. So we decided to head to the mountains after seeing Blowing Rock’s great weather report for Monday. You can’t beat blue skies, sunny conditions, low eighties, and elevation. We figured out where to…
The Demon Joke
“Turn right onto East Brooklyn Village Avenue, and your destination will be on your right,” the Map App navigation voice instructs Jim Fields and Edith Cruz toward the Westin Charlotte. Jim is driving his truck and disdains using the Map App. Because of that time, Map App accidentally directed him to a Lake Norman prostitution…
Gaston County Restaurant Review: Floyd and Blackies in Cramerton
Dad and I ate at Floyd and Blackies (FB) after finding out they served lunch. Last week, we dropped in because I wanted one of their Sun Drop cherry lemon cupcakes (which are brilliant, by the way). Their lunch menus caught our attention and immediately got added to our list of restaurants to check out….
Once Upon a Middle School Bus Stop
So here we are again. It is another year of waiting after school for our favorite yellow school bus (Lucky #57) to transport us home from Barnaby Middle School. Tom, Gavin, Henry, Nicholas Dixon, and I are standing beside the gymnasium on the hot asphalt parking lot that’s called the blacktop. There’s no shade around….
River Sweeps, Litter Sweeps, And Park Clean-ups Are Great For Volunteer Participation And Involvement
Are you looking for some ways to get involved in your North Carolina (NC) community? Well, there are these events called river sweeps, litter sweeps, and park clean-ups (oh my!) which are all excellent and easy ways to volunteer and participate. Volunteering in our communities can have many rewards, like giving us self-purpose, self-fulfillment, self-esteem,…
Heather and The Heathen Part 2
Wake County Heather is the first guest Mrs. Candle has had since Robert’s funeral. She’s come to Garner for dinner at the Candle home per Bobby’s invitation to begin emotional resolution from her past with Bobby and to break her promise. For the dinner menu, Mrs. Candle planned a traditional and Southern meal. She pan-fried…
Heather and The Heathen Part 1
With the rise of superhuman activity in North Carolina, the Federal Government collaborated with the State to develop the North Carolina Supernatural Sheriffs Association (NCSSA). In 2001, eight supernormal individuals entered the Supernatural Sheriffs program to become supernatural peacekeepers. Once sworn in, they worked with North Carolina’s most populated Counties to assist local law enforcement…
Everyday Everett
Ray Everett could have had a better morning. He overslept, burned his eyes with shampoo, ripped a shoelace, and stained his lucky blue button polo shirt with strawberry and banana yogurt. All this before 7:15. Too bad because he always needs whatever luck he can squeeze out of that shirt. Things like these are always…
Seven Animal Sightings That Should Instantly Improve Any North Carolina Experience
North Carolina (NC) shares its state with a wealth of animals. We never know what type of animals we’ll see when we leave our homes or on the side of the road. Some are, of course, more recurring, like cats, dogs, and squirrels. While others come out to play more infrequently, like groundhogs and whitetail…
My Favorite Game of Thrones Theme Cover
After eight minutes, a few white walkers, and a Night Watchman head tossing, we heard one of the most legendary and astonishing opening themes ever. You know the one that goes DUN dun dun dun DUN dun dun dun DUN dun dun dun DUN dun dun dun. According to HBO, around 2.2 million viewers tuned…
How does Twin Peaks’ population compare to the North Carolina populations?
The fictional town, Twin Peaks, first welcomed FBI Agent Dale Cooper on the show’s (of the same name) pilot episode that aired on April 8, 1990. The bureau sent Cooper there to help in the murder investigation of Laura Palmer. This episode’s description on IMDB describes Twin Peaks as a small northwest town in Washington….
My first comic strip attempt
So I made a comic strip to the best of my artistic and comedic abilities. It’s called Random Todds and Ends. Enjoy!
The Creature of Cataloochee
The majority of the drivers who rubberneck the massive Western North Carolina Cryptid Museum’s billboards have never seen one. The giant cartoon sasquatch wearing pink sunglasses on the sign promises “the best collection and artifacts of cryptids, ghosts, and spirits from the North Carolina Mountains.” Cryptids like the sasquatch and the loch ness monster are…
Try this next time your GPS/GNSS receiver won’t connect to your iPad
Field data collection is one of the many job duties and responsibilities for anyone in the geographic information system (GIS) profession. GIS is a computer system that captures and displays positions on the earth’s surface and portrays data in many different ways on maps. Data collection is a process of collecting information from various sources…
Some High Point Attractions in North Carolina
Tourist attractions are things and places that draw visitors by providing something of interest or pleasure. Some that come to mind are the Giant Peach in Gaffney, South Carolina, and the Gateway Arch of Saint Louis. These attractions are located along roads, in prominent spots, and in nooks and crannies across the United States. Some…
The Green in Her Dreams
After midnight, Robert Smith exits his house for an outside break from his work and blank painter’s canvas. There’s no need to wear his heavy jacket, knitted toboggan hat, or leather gloves because the night is unseasonably warm for the winter month in Lake July, North Carolina. The year is 1946. Robert gazes up at…
Drink Local. Drink Collaborations In Our State.
We’re almost two months into 2023, and we’ve already seen some exciting collaborations between two North Carolina breweries and other well know businesses within the state. We saw the results of these collaborations when each brewery announced their new beverages on their social media pages. What’s gripping about these unique beverages are the very famous…
Did Enya’s Boadicea Get Sampled Again
Sometimes it takes a few times hearing a song on the radio to realize it’s a cover, and then a few more listens to place the original. At least remember enough of the original music to do a proper internet search. Such as this new Weeknd song, where I finally pinpointed the original back to…
Enter the Wu-Tang Name Generators
“Swingin’ through your town like your neighborhood Spider-Man.” What an exceptional line from Inspectah Deck’s Protect Ya Neck verse off the Wu-Tang Clan’s first studio album, Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers). Thirty-six Chambers is still a great album that I keep on rotation on my discontinued iPod Nano. The razor beats, the crazy skits, the…